The “Terrible Twos” – Let’s Change the name & our mindset!

My little boy is almost two and I’ve found myself fall into the mindset of the terrible twos.

I’ve been reflecting over the last couple of weeks when things have been feeling hard for me to hold, the emotional outbursts, the need from him for total independence without physically being able to do something, the strong will without the full understanding of reality, the frustration when he can’t communicate exactly what he wants.

So I want to remind myself and maybe you if you are in the thick of toddler mum life that this time holds some incredibly magical opportunities and experiences as well. I want to remind us because it’s easy to forget when our nervous system is wired and we are taking that breathe in a moment to meet your babies needs for the 20th time that day without losing our shit (and sometimes even losing it for a moment).

So let’s start there… losing it.

It’s happened to ALL of us (remember the magic is in the repair). When our babies are moving through this time in their development there is so much info out there about how to support them BUT what about how to support ourselves?

Something I’ve found is that in this time it takes tuning into my own needs MORE. It takes acknowledging and being aware of my bodies responses when I am on the verge of losing my cool and planning or creating space for me to feel connected, loved and nurtured myself MORE. It’s taking a regular day or time frame scheduled in (if an option) not filled with errands, chores or work but to slow down and be with ourself. It’s also taking intentional moments to connect with ourself and our body throughout the day.

Our capacity to hold our babies through big emotions and growth and development also requires us to hold and nurture ourself AND call on others to hold us as well. No one can do all the holding themselves, it becomes too heavy and eventually drops without taking space for ourselves.

The next thing I want to remind us of is “choosing what we notice”.

Choosing to believe that there is a “terrible twos”, that this time is going to be “hard” the whole time and we just have to do what we can to survive! That feels like a pretty dismal reality and one we can often choose when things are feeling hard, our cup feels empty and we are at capacity. So I really encourage you to get into the practice of my first point and then take some action with this one.

Put yourself in your child’s shoes, it’s hard wanting to feel heard and understood while working out how to. It’s difficult when you want to do something but you physically can’t especially when you see everyone around you making their own choices with independence.

They are learning so much and this is all part of their development and although the moments can feel difficult, how many special moments are between them? When they say a new word in the right context or in the total wrong context and it just melts your heart. When they are so proud of them self for helping, when they master doing that thing on their own and are over the moon, when they move through a big emotional moment and then come to you; their safe space and nuzzle in and cuddle, When they show their caring and loving nature.

To me I feel like this isn’t about good and bad behaviour but about teaching them how to be with their emotions without shame. Teaching them in a healthy and supportive nature. Sometimes we are going to stuff up because we are often reparenting ourselves as we parent them. Often realising conditioned beliefs and ways of being that don’t now align in the moment.

So not only are we navigating how to parent with connection, love and boundaries but we are also working with our own inner child. We are learning to understand to a new depth how to meet our own needs whilst holding theirs and being intentional about what we choose to focus on in this time.

It’s a lot and it’s powerful stuff for our personal development and theirs, we are invited to grow as they do.

The most important point of all is – ask for help!

Be creative and committed in choosing to meet your needs so that you can meet theirs. Let go of the need to do it all yourself because you are “the mother”. The world has created an unrealistic expectation of the mother. By choosing to be supported in this gig, however that looks for you is important for us to change these expectations as a collective of mothers. Step away from being the “super mum” and instead be the “human mum” that needs support and shares the load and isn’t perfect because none of us are. We get to redefine motherhood on our own terms to feel supported, empowered and thriving. That’s a birthright!

Id love to hear your comments and thoughts! Comment below or get in touch over on instagram https://www.instagram.com/estelle.spano/

Steps to Change Your Mindset As A Tired Mama

For the past 8 months I’ve told myself I’m tired. I’ve actually told myself a lot of ineffective things over the past 8 months but man have I been working on these. Postpartum brings up allll the shadow parts of me and my life it seems which has been a lot of work and also really beautiful and illuminating. It’s like every part of myself and my life that doesn’t align with the woman who is being rebirthed through birthing and raising my new baby are being shed to welcome in a new way of being. This new me. 

This mindset shift around being tired really clicked for me since deciding not to sleep train my son. I have spent the last many months being tired and undecided whether I wanted to give it a go and feeling all the shoulds around it. I decided it was a no for me, after all thats what I felt in my body the whole time but I was so attached to needing something to fix the situation that this was the quick fix my mind had attached to even though it didn’t feel right for me right now. Don’t get me wrong, I have no judgement around sleep training if it works for you and your baby Im so for it. Its really how I feel about most things motherhood. We are all different, our babies are all different and we do not have to justify our decisions to anyone if it feels aligned and empowered for you then follow that! I stand for empowered mothers making choices to serve them, their babies and their families thats it! AND that choice or opinion of yours can change at any given moment without having to justify! Excuse the tangent Im pretty passionate about empowered mothers if you didn’t notice.

So basically where were we… Ah yes so I realised that a mindset and energy shift was where I really got to focus my attention.

After some practice and remembering from my first baby these are my Steps to Changing your Mindset as a Tired Mama

  1. Acknowledge that you are tired and allow yourself to be with it. Feel it in your body, let tears come if they need too, move your body, roll your shoulders, close your eyes. Say the words “I hear you”, take a deep breathe and then take the next steps.
  2. Make a Choice – Invite yourself to do something about it. Often there are two choices.

a.) Request support to have a nap or make it a priority to nap that day and commit fo it. Nothing else matters. – Note: Support can look different for everyone it may mean asking a friend or partner to watch your baby so you can  have a long shower and possibly having left overs or ordering takeaway to have an early night, it may mean napping with the baby, maybe it’s surrendering and having a day in bed, or planning a sleep over somewhere to get a full night sleep that weekend (it’s amazing how having something to look forward to can give you a burst of energy and positivity). 

b.) Or choose to move on and let it go. ( I recommend the first choice because we get to have support as mothers and ask for help but I understand that sometimes that help can’t happen in the moment but it can be arranged for later in the day, later that week etc. This is when choice number two comes into play. Let it go and move through – Remember THIS IS A CHOICE, you are not a victim. Tiredness is REAL but you can feel empowered in this choice and I really feel that is key when feeling so tired. The feeling of empowerment often comes after making arrangements or knowing when the next moment of reprieve is.).

3. Let go of the story that you are tired. Notice how often you are saying it to yourself and answering “how are you?” With “Good, Just tired”. What we focus on grows, so what are you choosing to focus on?

4. Find ways to support your body. I’ve been using Jing by superfeast (not sponsored or anything, I just genuinely love it and have noticed a difference when I use it), I mix the Jing in with my Ceremonial Cacao each morning. Make better choices with your food by having intention around supporting and nourishing your body. I know it’s easy to reach for refined carbs and sugar when you are tired but practicing to change the habit to having a cup of cacao, a delicious veggie filled meal, a super greens powder or a veggie juice. There are so many options but please if you have a moment of choosing something not as nourishing do not beat yourself up! You are human AND Nourishing choices support your body and mindset to get you off the wheel of poor me I’m tired, give me sugar and then crash again. All it takes is one choice to gain momentum and create change.

5. Move Your Body. We hear this all the time and I know you can feel too tired to move your body but even just a slow dance or stretch or a walk around your backyard. Let go of what moving your body should look like and honour it with ANY movement. If you know that something like a run or a circuit always makes you feel good when you are done even just committing to trying it for 10 mins and if you still aren’t feeling it then don’t continue but often the first ten minutes leads to more and we come out with those endorphins.

6. Don’t underestimate the power of Mother Nature, borrow some of her energy. Stand in the breeze and close your eyes, feel the strength of the wind and breathe in the air, long deep breathes, sit with your palms facing the sun and envision the sunshine warming and energising your body, like a warm light entering your body and moving through it. Jump in the ocean or even have a shower where you allow your head and whole body to be immersed and restore your energy body. Take off your shoes and walk on the dirt or grass, picture mama nature holding you and letting that energy move through your body. There is nothing like being held when we feel like we are doing so much of the holding and Mama Nature is sooo good at it.

I hope that by being devoted to some or all of these practices you can be with your tiredness in an empowered way.

If you want to chat please reach out through Instagram. We are all in this together.

E xx


Mama, you don’t need more self care! You need more of this…



Self Connection stumps Self Care

Ok Mama, so you have 1 hour, maybe 30 minutes or 10 minutes to yourself… What do you do?

Often its filling that time with the endless tasks of Motherhood, am I right?! Well because they are actually endless. You catch up on the washing and the dirty clothes basket is almost full again, you mop the floor and within a few minutes there is another spill. There is always something you could be doing, even right now reading this I bet you could list off a whole bunch of stuff.

So often when we get those sacred moments to ourself all on our own we say to ourselves, “Oh I’ll just get this washing on and then I’ll have a cup of tea” or “Oh I’ll just get the house tidied up before the kids wake and then if they are still sleeping I’ll do that thing for myself.” Sometimes it gets so ridiculous that we have ignored the fact that we are thirsty for the past two hours to just get those things done until a hirsty (like hangry but thirsty) woman takes over our body and we are irritable only to stop and remember, the fact that we are still thirsty and just need to pause and have a drink of water! It can get that ridiculous. We are putting our human needs after the kids and the mundane tasks of life!

So this blog isn’t to say… Easy hack to feeling fulfilled as a mother, self care first! (Are you kidding me! Thanks for the revolutionary advice.) We cant expect ourselves as mothers and women to turn everything around and make a change like self care first whilst denying ourselves of the guilt and sense of failure it can bring up. It feels counter intuitive if our core beliefs around how a mother has to be and act do not align with it. To look at those beliefs, expectations and conditioning it can take a bit of work and is definitely something to do with some support around (maybe a more elaborate blog for another time) so what can you do right now…

  1. Let go of the idea that self care needs to look a certain way

Self Care is so ‘on trend’ sometimes I cant even deal with the amount of shit being pushed in my direction ; as a huge demographic for the self care industry – Mothers ( I mean who better to market to right!). But Self care doesn’t just have to just be taking a bath, getting a massage, getting a mani or pedi, having a cup of calm tea. It can also be taking a nap, hiring a cleaner, tidying up the living room to make your mind feel a little clearer, getting someone to wake up with the kids for a night, ordering take out instead of cooking, taking turns cooking with a friend so you get a break every other week, staring at the sky just because.

2. When you have some precious time to yourself do this one thing before you do anything else.

Place your hand on your heart and your womb if you feel like it & close your eyes for a few seconds. Now ask yourself, what do I need right now?

When you ask yourself this question your mind is going to try to answer it but I want you to pause and ask your body & Soul. (I know you’re probably thinking how the hell do I do that?!)

For me the biggest giveaway if my mind is answering the question or if my body or soul is answering the question is the way it’s answered and how it makes me feel.

Example:

What do I need right now?

Mind: Someone to just do my house work so I can stop feeling like my sole purpose in life is to be a maid!! (Its not direct, its telling a story and its victimising and makes me feel disempowered.)

Body & Soul: Time to be me ( Juicy! Stay with it and get curious)

How would you like to receive that? Spaciousness

How can you create that in this moment? Tidying up my living room so I can dance and be me.

OPEN YOUR EYES AND GET TO IT!!

If your answer comes back with something like the above (tidying up the living room) just remember that you dropped the need for self care to look a certain way -remember step 1. Because lets face it, sometimes doing that to make your mind feel less cluttered is what you need, sometimes getting the pile of folding thats been on your dining table for the last couple of weeks is what you need to feel accomplished AND sometimes what you need is to say FUCK IT! The never-ending tasks will be there and what I need right now is to do absolutely nothing with pure silence!

We as Mothers don’t necessarily need more self care or to make it more of a priority but instead bringing the practice into our life of connecting to ourself and remembering to meet our own needs… and sometimes that looks like #selfcare other times its a simple bloody glass of water!

Give it a go today, connect with yourself and make it a priority. Too often we forget that meeting our own needs and thriving is just as important in supporting our family to thrive.

Loads of Love

Estelle xx

The end of a chapter…



New Beginnings and the end of an era and a new start for Metanoia Mama Business.

I haven’t known really how to share this because well it’s not easy to share. This purpose (Metanoia Mama and The Mumma Hub) in all its forms has been my life for the last 3 years. Ive put blood, sweat and tears and so much love into this mission I’ve held so deeply in my heart. 

Since September when we experienced a miscarriage things have felt a little forced, all of this has felt like pressure to me. This kind of energy is not my ideal zone of creation, it’s shown me A LOT! 

Something it’s really shown me is how when this all began it truly was a gift. I had come out of one of the hardest times in my life (my experience of post natal depression and anxiety) and I had found a way to share my experiences and join them with my coaching qualifications to support other mothers.

It was my hope to support those Mothers in knowing and choosing a new way for themselves in motherhood and life. 

I write this now with tears running down my cheeks because as hard as I am on myself for not having this “business” where I felt it could have been by now. The Mothers lives I have had the opportunity of touching or impacting whether that be in a workshop, through coaching, in a circle, at a playground in conversation, through my writing on social media and blogs. The connections I’ve made, the friendships I’ve called in have come from my creation.

I haven’t allowed myself to really feel that… I’ve always been in the process of looking at what’s next, how I can impact and support mothers more and more and haven’t actually paused and taken a moment to see what I have created already on this path.

Sometimes we do that as humans, notice all our short falls and miss the reflection on all the moments of light in between. This experience has allowed me to flip that perspective.So I’m honouring myself right now. I’ve spent the last two weeks coming to this decision, feeling lost but knowing deep down it’s so right! 

Letting go of this right now is forcing me to really connect to my true essence like never before. (Pretty timely considering I declared in December my purpose had evolved to connecting mothers deeply, to the deep knowing and remembering of their essence).

I’ve had to think who the F am I without all of this. Am I… the human and soul that I am, worthy of everything my heart desires without this purpose. And Of course I am (just in case you were hanging there.) 

Something interesting though is that I have attached my success as a person to the success of my business. But a perceived idea of success.

What I hadn’t stopped to notice is that this all has been an incredible success, I have been blessed to be able to touch women’s lives and support them in creating change through empowerment. It’s not something I’ll overlook.

It doesn’t matter to me how many women or mothers that is now. I feel honoured even if it was one. What I’ve learnt in spreading my light in my life is that I always find deep fulfilment in my life when I follow the call of my soul. 

Right now that call is re channeling my purpose into coming back to me, through physical, emotional and spiritual healing, not because I’m broken but because it’s time for me to focus on the foundation of me not to serve but for me. 

And equally as important, my purpose is being re channeled  into coming back to motherhood with a deeper presence, more play, more joy, more focus on the simple practices and rituals I get to bask in with Scarlett before she starts school next year.

You can continue to follow along on Instagram or Facebook if you want to. I’ll be sharing everything that brings me joy, writing, photos, real life, anything that’s on my heart really. And who knows maybe this space that my soul has been yearning for will create something magnificent that I feel so called to share. 

I have no expectations, I’m committed to following my heart and soul ALWAYS.

I’ll have space for one or two personal coaching clients but as far as workshops, memberships and events go, my final event will be Redefining The Mother on the 5th of May. This is going to be a powerful workshop to go out on. I’m so excited for the mamas joining me already and looking forward to those who will be joining us. So if you haven’t had the chance to come along to a workshop with me then join me on the 5th!

 If you have read this far Thank You! I couldn’t finish this piece of writing without saying how incredibly grateful I am for each and every person that has supported me along the way. A special thank you to my love Paul for EVERYTHING, to my daughter Scarlett for guiding me always, to the beautiful power house women who have supported me behind the scenes (I seriously couldn’t have done it without each of you), to my coach Stefanos who believed in this vision from the beginning and supported me in taking the leap in bringing it to life. Thank you to my family for your support even when you didn’t quite understand what it is I was doing. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY… to every single woman that invested in themselves by coming to a workshop, event or circle. For the women that chose me to support you personally. I’m so grateful for each of you, I have literally done a happy dance when each of you have bought a ticket to any event or sent in an application for coaching. 

I know I’ll be back and I know this will all look different because I will be different. I’m letting go of the fear of missing out, I’m letting go of the idea of failure by not pushing through. I’m letting go of the pressure and coming back to my essence. So as sad as I am to say Goodbye to this chapter, I’m ready to really redefine the mother and the woman that I am (and that’s why I’m leaving with this workshop). 

With Love and Gratitude,

Estelle