Giving Up The Dummy – Some things you may have not considered.

 

giving up the dummy

This isn’t your average “giving up the dummy” blog it goes a bit deeper and lets face it, it wouldn’t be any other way coming from me and The Mumma Hub – Going deep is what we are all about!

 

Now to give you a run down, Scarlett my daughter was attached to the dummy like life depended on it! We had dummies all around the house, in the car, in the pram EVERYWHERE! Because goodness forbid we were caught out without the famous blanky and dummy combo. It was meltdown central, life was over when that dummy went missing.

 

So it had been quite some time and I had, had some suggestions, from family, friends and my beautiful Chiropractor to think about whether it was time for Scarlett to be giving up the dummy because her sleep was getting worse by the day. So I had many days where I thought, “this is it! Im going to take that dummy away.” But for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it and then I soon realised it was ‘I’ who was attached to the dummy just as much as she was. When we were shopping and she was tired I could give it to her, when she was a bit under the weather and I she was going to stay with family while I worked, it comforted me to know she could comfort herself without me. It was basically just really convenient and It actually came down to me not being ready. I definitely could tell she could feel my resistance with it, so we left it and just kept on living the dummy life.

 

A few months down the track we did it! Well in all truth we had discussed it on and off with Scarlett about her being a big girl and that it was almost time for her to throw the dummy in the bin and then one morning we were sitting in bed and She said to me “Mummy, I big girl now” and I said “Oh really are you? Does that mean you want to throw your dummy in the bin?” She looked at me and replied “YEP!” Before I knew she was up out of the bed and had walked to the kitchen and put her dummy in the bin.

 

I was in shock and I also knew that ok maybe it was time after all. It was a long week and a bit and their were many of meltdowns. There was also a couple of instances where she found old hidden dummies and acted like she had just found her drug after being clean for a few days! She looked at me and I looked at her and yelled “NOOOOO” (in slow motion of course) and I grabbed it just in time. I said “honey if you have one suck you will be hooked and she looked at me and said “please mummy one little suck?” And I said “ok but remember you decided you were big now and you have given up the dummy so if you have one quick suck it has to go in the bin.” She nodded and I put it in her mouth for a few seconds and said “lets throw it in the bin.” She definitely cried for about 30 seconds and then we just talked it out. I was grieving the Dummy too. My little girl was growing up!

 

We understand our children on such a deep level and they always teaches us. So I have some teachings and takeaways from this experience and I wanted to share them with you because I think that any change we want to bring into our childrens’ lives, whether it be starting day care, moving them from a cot to a bed, taking them out of their basinet in your room as a new born, whatever it is, the process has just as much to do with us as it does them. If you are not ready they feel it! If you are not aligned they feel it! If you have an inkling of doubt or a possibility that you might go back on your word they feel it!

 

These points I have found to be extremely helpful in checking in with myself when introducing any change for Scarlett…

 

  • INTENTION AND STRONG WHY – What is your intention behind the decison and not just the logical one but the one that will be repeated to yourself when you are having a moment of “Oh shit why am I doing this?”

 

  • COMMITMENT – Am I committed to this decision even if it challenges me? Can I be committed to this and still trust and listen to my Childs needs along the way through this transition?

 

  • INTUITION (WHAT IS MY GUT SAYING?) – Don’t rush the decision, take your time to forget about every other persons opinion, even take some time to meditate on it  (if thats your thing) or take some time in nature to quiet your mind and just listen to what your intuition is saying. Its in the quietness that we can hear the whispers of our intuition ever so powerfully!

 

  • ALIGNMENT – Does this feel aligned with me right now in this moment? Am I choosing this from comparison, fear, underlying guilt, peer pressure or anything other than love? This is a great opportunity to also acknowledge any underlying guilt you may have around the situation and do some further digging into why you have this guilt and what particular stories or wounds are you connecting to, that you are making this decision mean for you.

 

For example: You don’t want your child to feel like you don’t care about them and that you are choosing work over them by sending them to day care. Then you get to ask yourself… where in your life did you feel like you were not cared about, possibly an instance where someone you loved was perceived by you as them choosing that “thing” over you.

 

Creating awareness around this is key for you to uncover that this is ‘your’ wound and that instead you get to be conscious and reframe the situation, you get to remind the little girl in you that she is loved and that she matters AND then you get to re write what this decision actually means for your child, with love.

 

REFRAME-
I am sending my child to day care so s/he can learn more about socialising and interacting with other humans, so that s/he knows that s/he is strong and loved no matter who s/he is with and where s/he is. I am sending my child to day care so that I can contribute to my own growth, fill my cup up and contribute to our family so we can live an abundant life.

 

And there you have it, just some light growth and personal development brought to you by the greatest teachers of all, our Children.

 

If you have any questions or would like some support just shoot me a message, Im always happy to have a chat.

 

With so much Love

Estelle xx

 

ps: Im definitely not a parenting coach and their are many ways to give up the dummy of course, this is just what worked for us. The main point of this blog is to create awareness around how we show up in these instances and how self awareness can bring more ease into these transitions in both yours and your child’s life.

Giving Up The Dummy

Nurturing The Nurturer

Nurturing The Nurturer

You know that feeling we get when we are being totally cared for, like when you have your hair washed at the hair dresser, when you get a message, or even when you receive a healing session or anything along those lines. Their is a new found sense of appreciation in being nurtured once you are a mother. We spend so much of our time nurturing others.

Being nurtured is a beautiful act of self care and filling our cup but how can we do it everyday? We can’t all get a message daily necessarily, but we are surrounded by loved ones and our children are actually beautiful little nurturers (look at any toddler with a baby doll).

My three top tips for allowing yourself to be nurtured more as a mother.

  • Be open to receiving – move out of that masculine energy and embrace the feminine. (I wrote a blog about masculine and feminine energy in motherhood – check it out HERE) Let yourself be cared for, held, stroked and just all around loved by anyone willing to give it. If someone offers you a hug you welcome it with open arms, if you are offered anything be open to accepting it and feel the love! Often in the moments of feeling drained
  • Involve your children on a daily basis. Invite your children to give you a hug, ask them to stroke your hair while you lie down for a moment. Allow your children to Nurture you and if they are not in the mood take that moment to nurture yourself anyway.  – I recently experienced a beautiful workshop by Alecia Jade (a wonderful holistic health coach) and Gillian (founder of The Little yoga school) and during this workshop Gillian walked us through a couple of exercise where our children stroked our backs or played out a story that we told by drawing it on our back and another where we laid in the sun and our children stoked us, rubbed some beautiful oils on us and kissed our foreheads. You could see the absolute love and satisfaction our children experienced by looking after their Mummas. We had some relaxing music playing and all the children were whispering,  it was such a beautiful experience.
  • Differentiate between being touched as an act of recieving rather than only giving. We so often can get to the end of the day as mothers and feel completely touched out. The last thing we can think of doing is being intimate or hugging our partner especially after a day with a clingy child. I have found a great way of reframing this circumstance. I switch my mindset from giving to receiving. I take a few moments to re centre either by having a shower or just taking a few deep breathes on my own. I then approach my partner with a completely different context and I have noticed by coming to him with a different energy he is able to step in to his masculine energy hold me and nurture me. We have gotten to the point now that words don’t even have to be spoken and he just knows I could use a big giving hug. I remind myself to completely surrender and receive every ounce of love in that hug and I normally let out a big deep breathe.

And of course it all starts with finding ways to nurture yourself for yourself in your life as well. Committing to acts of self care that are a commitment to your worth and love for yourself. Ultimately this is the key to feeling more loved and nurtured in your life.

The best thing about this act is not only how we get to feel but also the feelings we get to witness from the people who get to nurture us by just simply letting go and allowing them to.

There is something that’s just so beautiful about experiencing acts of care and love from those that we give so much love to every single day. Give it a go!

Lots of Love

Estelle xx

We Create our Resistance

I didn’t even know what I was going to write in this blog post but I was inspired to write it. I feel like crying for an unbeknown reason and Im just so unsure about so much at the moment but I’m also not. You see Im resisting what is…

 

Im feeling the emotions that are coming to the surface in my body and my mind tries to logically form an explanation for them, I analyse the emotion and whats happening in my life and then come to the conclusion of… “well this doesn’t make any sense! I shouldn’t be feeling like this! I should be grateful and inspired and motivated and bla bla bla…”

 

And there it is! The resistance.

 

My beautiful partner said to me as I cried in his arms, “what would you tell yourself if you were one of your clients right now?” I cried harder and said “its not that simple!”

 

But really it is. So this blog right here is to remind myself and anyone else that might be feeling like utter crap and just can’t put their finger on it, that you are exactly where you are suppose to be. My intuition tells me its a shift, my intuition tells me to trust and surrender, to feel the emotions and let go of the need to analyse them, my body is creating the capacity to shift and welcome something new or something in a different light and my body or vessel is the container for that!

 

Pretty powerful stuff Right! and then I thought so what do I need to do? But its not about doing anything. Its about Being with it all so beautifully and imperfectly. Tuning into my soul and intuition and then being from there.

 

I get to ask myself powerful questions instead of questions out of fear. Questions like, What is this teaching me right now? How can I show up for me right now? Who do I want to be in this moment?

 

Instead of the, why is this happening to me? Why am I feeling like this? Why is no one helping me? … Sound Familiar?? I know they were once my go to questions?

 

And the beauty of asking the powerful questions is not being attached to the answer, sometimes the answer isn’t ready to present itself and thats ok. This is where we get to surrender and trust that everything is happening as it should be.

 

Sending you a butt load of love and a little bit more!

lets remind ourselves to…

 

TRUST – SURRENDER – LOVE

 

 

I will be holding a workshop on the 22nd of April in East Victoria Park, 10:30am to 11:30 or 12 if you would like to stay around for a chat!

Tickets are $15 and we will be delving into Moving through Overwhelm Powerfully. You will come away feeling empowered to face overwhelming times in your life – which lets face it is quite common in motherhood. With tools and mindset techniques to make overwhelm your bitch for lack of a better term.

For further details click here

 

Lots of Love

Estelle xx

 

Beautiful photo by Melanie at Lion Fox & Co

My 3 Top Tips to putting the spark back in your relationship after becoming a Mum?

Motherhood brings about transformation which I think we are all aware of but how vast this transformation truly is, is something I continue to become more and more aware of each day. The transformation of my relationships with everyone including my partner has been a journey of its own. As I witnessed him witnessing me transforming into a mother both physically and emotionally as I journey through the ups and downs and grow and evolve in motherhood, I also witness him stepping into a new era of his masculinity.

Being in a relationship for almost 9 years now, we have come to realise that as soon as a disconnection becomes paramount we have an opportunity to reconnect by discovering one another again. Exactly how we reconnect is something we are learning over and over again but here are my top 3 tips thus far.

 

Please know that no relationship is perfect and I am only speaking from my experiences. This may or may not resonate for you but I felt called to share it.

 

Tip one: Pretend you are dating again and I mean so far as trying to impress eachother, every single day. Think back to the time you first met before any hurt or circumstances that you have ever held on to. This may need to involve having a discussion to agree to let go of the past and forgive. Its easy to have created stories around your relationship and particular actions that you subconsciously look for to validate that story. (Your partner not taking out the bin does not actually mean they dont care about you! – however circumstances like these are an opportunity for you to become aware an area you get to heal in your realtionship and communicate with your loved one about this.

 

Tip Two: Look at your relationship with yourself! Our relationships tend to be a reflection of our own relationshipp with ourself. If your relationship has lost its spark, where have you lost the spark within yourself? If you are not feeling loved where are you not willing to give love in your life, is it yourself? Is it your partner. A key to bettering any relationship is loving on yourself, building your self worth and fining what fills your cup allows you to give love with more ease.

 

Tip Three: Create some conscious agreements. This is an opportunity to sit down with your partner and work through all areas of your life and come to agreements and compromises on what works best for both of you. This can be a sensitive process and both parties need to come to the table agreeing to not place any blame. This is a place to take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. Areas can include, intimacy, parenting, house work, technology usage and so much more – start with common triggers (dont forget no blame) – example: “When Im not supported around the house with the x, y or z, I experience feelings of x. I would like to request for you to do x, y and z. This would make me feel supported and ____.” The other person would then respond with how  and if they can meet that request or if they have a suggestion to come to a compromise. Once these agreements are decided upon, it can bring a  sense of teamwork to hold oneanother accountable to the conscious agreements made.

 

One more tip! This couldnt be missed so lets call it tip 3B: Find out yours and your partners love language. This will help you to understand how it is you can express love to your partner in a way that makes them truly feel loved! By identifying your own will help you to express how you best feel loved as well. I’d highly recomend taking this test together.

Take the test HERE.

 

All relationships take work as we grow and evolve. We are not the same person we were a year ago, let alone 5 minutes ago in some cases. These techniques can be used in all relationships in your life.

 

I would also like to thank my beautiful friends and mentors for their on going support and for continuosly allowing me the space and opportunity to to lean in to the unknown. Without their love and support this blog post wouldn’t even exist.

 

With love,

Estelle xx