Relationships Take Work – Just like anything



From the moment we found out we were having a baby things changed… We were excited, scared and over the moon and we thought we knew what to expect but it turned out that we really had no idea.

 

We have our preconceived ideas of what being parents is like from what society shows us, from what our parents have shown us and until we are experiencing it nothing really can prepare us.

 

 

I can’t speak for my partner (as Im sure he was experiencing his own process throughout this whole experience, neither more difficult than the other),but as a mother the connection that grew between my baby and I became stronger and stronger, from the moment she entered this world I experienced a love stronger than anything, even stronger than the love I had for my partner and in all honesty that scared me a bit. I mean if I had a life or death situation who would I’d choose?… my baby of course! And thats heavy you know, especially because I know that my partner felt that. My baby needed me and as I claimed my new identity as a mother I needed her.

 

We knew those first few months could have the possibility of dad feeling a little left out and we tried to be conscious of that but the truth is that I was tired, sore and going through my own emotional and mental process. I all of a sudden was giving up most of my energy and body to this little love that needed me, by the time it came to connecting to my partner their was nothing left.

 

Over time as our baby needed me a little less and her dad was able to really build a relationship with her, things changed up again within the relationship, new challenges came about, things we hadn’t really faced from the new born period came to the surface and I was navigating through post natal depression. As you can imagine it wasn’t flowers and rainbows.

 

 

Long story short we had to rediscover our passion, our love and a new dynamic in our relationship all while I was rediscovering the woman I was transitioning into, mourning my old identity and finding my groove in life again in a whole different way.

 

I share this with you because since coaching Mothers I have realised that I am not alone in these feelings. That all relationships, if not most do really get tested when children come into the mix and that we don’t often talk about it openly and meaningfully.

 

There were many factors that supported us in moving through these times in our relationship and Im excited to be collaborating with Lindsay Bodhi (Sex & Relationship Coach) for a 3 hour workshop where we will be sharing these and so much more with you to equip you with the tools and knowledge in creating a more passionate and connected relationship with your partner.

 

Becoming parents was the catalyst to uncovering deep wounds and conditioning to how we showed up in our relationship which led us to redefining our relationship totally.

 

We are far from perfect and I’m sure still have plenty of learning to do as things come up and there are of course times that we are totally human and these tools get thrown out the window, although now we are quick to see it and use that awareness to diffuse the situation and choose to show up differently.

 

 

As we grow and evolve so does our relationship. What may have worked in the past might not, all of a sudden. We get to check in with each other and become aware of when to step back and change things up, check in to see if each other’s needs are being met and continue to rediscover who this person is over and over again that we have chosen to travel this journey of life with.

 

We owe it to ourselves to feel happy in our relationships and we owe it to our children in showing them what that looks like.

 

For those that may not be able to attend this workshop I want to leave you with a few things that I encourage you to look into to support you in creating a more passionate and connected relationship for you and your partner.

 

* Check out Lindsay Bodhi’s Website for some great tools and content around intimacy!

* Self Enquiry – Do the work on yourself, let go of blaming and ask yourself how you wish to show up in this relationship. Then go from there and uncover how you get to embody that within your relationship. It might take looking at some parts of yourself that are difficult but as you heal those parts of yourself and step into your greatest potential your relationship will transform.

* Communication is KEY – We are not mind readers!

* Make time to connect – Create space

* Get to know your partner, find out their love language and your own – check out my blog with the link here!

 

Their is so much more and these go a lot deeper so If you have any questions at all please feel free to contact me. Otherwise come along on the 20th of October to The Mothers & Lovers – Relationship Workshop for Mothers, Id love to have you there <3

 

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT MORE…

 

Estelle xx

Giving Up The Dummy – Some things you may have not considered.

 

giving up the dummy

This isn’t your average “giving up the dummy” blog it goes a bit deeper and lets face it, it wouldn’t be any other way coming from me and The Mumma Hub – Going deep is what we are all about!

 

Now to give you a run down, Scarlett my daughter was attached to the dummy like life depended on it! We had dummies all around the house, in the car, in the pram EVERYWHERE! Because goodness forbid we were caught out without the famous blanky and dummy combo. It was meltdown central, life was over when that dummy went missing.

 

So it had been quite some time and I had, had some suggestions, from family, friends and my beautiful Chiropractor to think about whether it was time for Scarlett to be giving up the dummy because her sleep was getting worse by the day. So I had many days where I thought, “this is it! Im going to take that dummy away.” But for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it and then I soon realised it was ‘I’ who was attached to the dummy just as much as she was. When we were shopping and she was tired I could give it to her, when she was a bit under the weather and I she was going to stay with family while I worked, it comforted me to know she could comfort herself without me. It was basically just really convenient and It actually came down to me not being ready. I definitely could tell she could feel my resistance with it, so we left it and just kept on living the dummy life.

 

A few months down the track we did it! Well in all truth we had discussed it on and off with Scarlett about her being a big girl and that it was almost time for her to throw the dummy in the bin and then one morning we were sitting in bed and She said to me “Mummy, I big girl now” and I said “Oh really are you? Does that mean you want to throw your dummy in the bin?” She looked at me and replied “YEP!” Before I knew she was up out of the bed and had walked to the kitchen and put her dummy in the bin.

 

I was in shock and I also knew that ok maybe it was time after all. It was a long week and a bit and their were many of meltdowns. There was also a couple of instances where she found old hidden dummies and acted like she had just found her drug after being clean for a few days! She looked at me and I looked at her and yelled “NOOOOO” (in slow motion of course) and I grabbed it just in time. I said “honey if you have one suck you will be hooked and she looked at me and said “please mummy one little suck?” And I said “ok but remember you decided you were big now and you have given up the dummy so if you have one quick suck it has to go in the bin.” She nodded and I put it in her mouth for a few seconds and said “lets throw it in the bin.” She definitely cried for about 30 seconds and then we just talked it out. I was grieving the Dummy too. My little girl was growing up!

 

We understand our children on such a deep level and they always teaches us. So I have some teachings and takeaways from this experience and I wanted to share them with you because I think that any change we want to bring into our childrens’ lives, whether it be starting day care, moving them from a cot to a bed, taking them out of their basinet in your room as a new born, whatever it is, the process has just as much to do with us as it does them. If you are not ready they feel it! If you are not aligned they feel it! If you have an inkling of doubt or a possibility that you might go back on your word they feel it!

 

These points I have found to be extremely helpful in checking in with myself when introducing any change for Scarlett…

 

  • INTENTION AND STRONG WHY – What is your intention behind the decison and not just the logical one but the one that will be repeated to yourself when you are having a moment of “Oh shit why am I doing this?”

 

  • COMMITMENT – Am I committed to this decision even if it challenges me? Can I be committed to this and still trust and listen to my Childs needs along the way through this transition?

 

  • INTUITION (WHAT IS MY GUT SAYING?) – Don’t rush the decision, take your time to forget about every other persons opinion, even take some time to meditate on it  (if thats your thing) or take some time in nature to quiet your mind and just listen to what your intuition is saying. Its in the quietness that we can hear the whispers of our intuition ever so powerfully!

 

  • ALIGNMENT – Does this feel aligned with me right now in this moment? Am I choosing this from comparison, fear, underlying guilt, peer pressure or anything other than love? This is a great opportunity to also acknowledge any underlying guilt you may have around the situation and do some further digging into why you have this guilt and what particular stories or wounds are you connecting to, that you are making this decision mean for you.

 

For example: You don’t want your child to feel like you don’t care about them and that you are choosing work over them by sending them to day care. Then you get to ask yourself… where in your life did you feel like you were not cared about, possibly an instance where someone you loved was perceived by you as them choosing that “thing” over you.

 

Creating awareness around this is key for you to uncover that this is ‘your’ wound and that instead you get to be conscious and reframe the situation, you get to remind the little girl in you that she is loved and that she matters AND then you get to re write what this decision actually means for your child, with love.

 

REFRAME-
I am sending my child to day care so s/he can learn more about socialising and interacting with other humans, so that s/he knows that s/he is strong and loved no matter who s/he is with and where s/he is. I am sending my child to day care so that I can contribute to my own growth, fill my cup up and contribute to our family so we can live an abundant life.

 

And there you have it, just some light growth and personal development brought to you by the greatest teachers of all, our Children.

 

If you have any questions or would like some support just shoot me a message, Im always happy to have a chat.

 

With so much Love

Estelle xx

 

ps: Im definitely not a parenting coach and their are many ways to give up the dummy of course, this is just what worked for us. The main point of this blog is to create awareness around how we show up in these instances and how self awareness can bring more ease into these transitions in both yours and your child’s life.

Giving Up The Dummy

Nurturing The Nurturer

Nurturing The Nurturer

You know that feeling we get when we are being totally cared for, like when you have your hair washed at the hair dresser, when you get a message, or even when you receive a healing session or anything along those lines. Their is a new found sense of appreciation in being nurtured once you are a mother. We spend so much of our time nurturing others.

Being nurtured is a beautiful act of self care and filling our cup but how can we do it everyday? We can’t all get a message daily necessarily, but we are surrounded by loved ones and our children are actually beautiful little nurturers (look at any toddler with a baby doll).

My three top tips for allowing yourself to be nurtured more as a mother.

  • Be open to receiving – move out of that masculine energy and embrace the feminine. (I wrote a blog about masculine and feminine energy in motherhood – check it out HERE) Let yourself be cared for, held, stroked and just all around loved by anyone willing to give it. If someone offers you a hug you welcome it with open arms, if you are offered anything be open to accepting it and feel the love! Often in the moments of feeling drained
  • Involve your children on a daily basis. Invite your children to give you a hug, ask them to stroke your hair while you lie down for a moment. Allow your children to Nurture you and if they are not in the mood take that moment to nurture yourself anyway.  – I recently experienced a beautiful workshop by Alecia Jade (a wonderful holistic health coach) and Gillian (founder of The Little yoga school) and during this workshop Gillian walked us through a couple of exercise where our children stroked our backs or played out a story that we told by drawing it on our back and another where we laid in the sun and our children stoked us, rubbed some beautiful oils on us and kissed our foreheads. You could see the absolute love and satisfaction our children experienced by looking after their Mummas. We had some relaxing music playing and all the children were whispering,  it was such a beautiful experience.
  • Differentiate between being touched as an act of recieving rather than only giving. We so often can get to the end of the day as mothers and feel completely touched out. The last thing we can think of doing is being intimate or hugging our partner especially after a day with a clingy child. I have found a great way of reframing this circumstance. I switch my mindset from giving to receiving. I take a few moments to re centre either by having a shower or just taking a few deep breathes on my own. I then approach my partner with a completely different context and I have noticed by coming to him with a different energy he is able to step in to his masculine energy hold me and nurture me. We have gotten to the point now that words don’t even have to be spoken and he just knows I could use a big giving hug. I remind myself to completely surrender and receive every ounce of love in that hug and I normally let out a big deep breathe.

And of course it all starts with finding ways to nurture yourself for yourself in your life as well. Committing to acts of self care that are a commitment to your worth and love for yourself. Ultimately this is the key to feeling more loved and nurtured in your life.

The best thing about this act is not only how we get to feel but also the feelings we get to witness from the people who get to nurture us by just simply letting go and allowing them to.

There is something that’s just so beautiful about experiencing acts of care and love from those that we give so much love to every single day. Give it a go!

Lots of Love

Estelle xx

We Create our Resistance

I didn’t even know what I was going to write in this blog post but I was inspired to write it. I feel like crying for an unbeknown reason and Im just so unsure about so much at the moment but I’m also not. You see Im resisting what is…

 

Im feeling the emotions that are coming to the surface in my body and my mind tries to logically form an explanation for them, I analyse the emotion and whats happening in my life and then come to the conclusion of… “well this doesn’t make any sense! I shouldn’t be feeling like this! I should be grateful and inspired and motivated and bla bla bla…”

 

And there it is! The resistance.

 

My beautiful partner said to me as I cried in his arms, “what would you tell yourself if you were one of your clients right now?” I cried harder and said “its not that simple!”

 

But really it is. So this blog right here is to remind myself and anyone else that might be feeling like utter crap and just can’t put their finger on it, that you are exactly where you are suppose to be. My intuition tells me its a shift, my intuition tells me to trust and surrender, to feel the emotions and let go of the need to analyse them, my body is creating the capacity to shift and welcome something new or something in a different light and my body or vessel is the container for that!

 

Pretty powerful stuff Right! and then I thought so what do I need to do? But its not about doing anything. Its about Being with it all so beautifully and imperfectly. Tuning into my soul and intuition and then being from there.

 

I get to ask myself powerful questions instead of questions out of fear. Questions like, What is this teaching me right now? How can I show up for me right now? Who do I want to be in this moment?

 

Instead of the, why is this happening to me? Why am I feeling like this? Why is no one helping me? … Sound Familiar?? I know they were once my go to questions?

 

And the beauty of asking the powerful questions is not being attached to the answer, sometimes the answer isn’t ready to present itself and thats ok. This is where we get to surrender and trust that everything is happening as it should be.

 

Sending you a butt load of love and a little bit more!

lets remind ourselves to…

 

TRUST – SURRENDER – LOVE

 

 

I will be holding a workshop on the 22nd of April in East Victoria Park, 10:30am to 11:30 or 12 if you would like to stay around for a chat!

Tickets are $15 and we will be delving into Moving through Overwhelm Powerfully. You will come away feeling empowered to face overwhelming times in your life – which lets face it is quite common in motherhood. With tools and mindset techniques to make overwhelm your bitch for lack of a better term.

For further details click here

 

Lots of Love

Estelle xx

 

Beautiful photo by Melanie at Lion Fox & Co