This isn’t your average “giving up the dummy” blog it goes a bit deeper and lets face it, it wouldn’t be any other way coming from me and The Mumma Hub – Going deep is what we are all about!
Now to give you a run down, Scarlett my daughter was attached to the dummy like life depended on it! We had dummies all around the house, in the car, in the pram EVERYWHERE! Because goodness forbid we were caught out without the famous blanky and dummy combo. It was meltdown central, life was over when that dummy went missing.
So it had been quite some time and I had, had some suggestions, from family, friends and my beautiful Chiropractor to think about whether it was time for Scarlett to be giving up the dummy because her sleep was getting worse by the day. So I had many days where I thought, “this is it! Im going to take that dummy away.” But for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it and then I soon realised it was ‘I’ who was attached to the dummy just as much as she was. When we were shopping and she was tired I could give it to her, when she was a bit under the weather and I she was going to stay with family while I worked, it comforted me to know she could comfort herself without me. It was basically just really convenient and It actually came down to me not being ready. I definitely could tell she could feel my resistance with it, so we left it and just kept on living the dummy life.
A few months down the track we did it! Well in all truth we had discussed it on and off with Scarlett about her being a big girl and that it was almost time for her to throw the dummy in the bin and then one morning we were sitting in bed and She said to me “Mummy, I big girl now” and I said “Oh really are you? Does that mean you want to throw your dummy in the bin?” She looked at me and replied “YEP!” Before I knew she was up out of the bed and had walked to the kitchen and put her dummy in the bin.
I was in shock and I also knew that ok maybe it was time after all. It was a long week and a bit and their were many of meltdowns. There was also a couple of instances where she found old hidden dummies and acted like she had just found her drug after being clean for a few days! She looked at me and I looked at her and yelled “NOOOOO” (in slow motion of course) and I grabbed it just in time. I said “honey if you have one suck you will be hooked and she looked at me and said “please mummy one little suck?” And I said “ok but remember you decided you were big now and you have given up the dummy so if you have one quick suck it has to go in the bin.” She nodded and I put it in her mouth for a few seconds and said “lets throw it in the bin.” She definitely cried for about 30 seconds and then we just talked it out. I was grieving the Dummy too. My little girl was growing up!
We understand our children on such a deep level and they always teaches us. So I have some teachings and takeaways from this experience and I wanted to share them with you because I think that any change we want to bring into our childrens’ lives, whether it be starting day care, moving them from a cot to a bed, taking them out of their basinet in your room as a new born, whatever it is, the process has just as much to do with us as it does them. If you are not ready they feel it! If you are not aligned they feel it! If you have an inkling of doubt or a possibility that you might go back on your word they feel it!
These points I have found to be extremely helpful in checking in with myself when introducing any change for Scarlett…
- INTENTION AND STRONG WHY – What is your intention behind the decison and not just the logical one but the one that will be repeated to yourself when you are having a moment of “Oh shit why am I doing this?”
- COMMITMENT – Am I committed to this decision even if it challenges me? Can I be committed to this and still trust and listen to my Childs needs along the way through this transition?
- INTUITION (WHAT IS MY GUT SAYING?) – Don’t rush the decision, take your time to forget about every other persons opinion, even take some time to meditate on it (if thats your thing) or take some time in nature to quiet your mind and just listen to what your intuition is saying. Its in the quietness that we can hear the whispers of our intuition ever so powerfully!
- ALIGNMENT – Does this feel aligned with me right now in this moment? Am I choosing this from comparison, fear, underlying guilt, peer pressure or anything other than love? This is a great opportunity to also acknowledge any underlying guilt you may have around the situation and do some further digging into why you have this guilt and what particular stories or wounds are you connecting to, that you are making this decision mean for you.
For example: You don’t want your child to feel like you don’t care about them and that you are choosing work over them by sending them to day care. Then you get to ask yourself… where in your life did you feel like you were not cared about, possibly an instance where someone you loved was perceived by you as them choosing that “thing” over you.
Creating awareness around this is key for you to uncover that this is ‘your’ wound and that instead you get to be conscious and reframe the situation, you get to remind the little girl in you that she is loved and that she matters AND then you get to re write what this decision actually means for your child, with love.
I am sending my child to day care so s/he can learn more about socialising and interacting with other humans, so that s/he knows that s/he is strong and loved no matter who s/he is with and where s/he is. I am sending my child to day care so that I can contribute to my own growth, fill my cup up and contribute to our family so we can live an abundant life.
And there you have it, just some light growth and personal development brought to you by the greatest teachers of all, our Children.
If you have any questions or would like some support just shoot me a message, Im always happy to have a chat.
With so much Love
ps: Im definitely not a parenting coach and their are many ways to give up the dummy of course, this is just what worked for us. The main point of this blog is to create awareness around how we show up in these instances and how self awareness can bring more ease into these transitions in both yours and your child’s life.
Giving Up The Dummy