Motherhood brings about transformation which I think we are all aware of but how vast this transformation truly is, is something I continue to become more and more aware of each day. The transformation of my relationships with everyone including my partner has been a journey of its own. As I witnessed him witnessing me transforming into a mother both physically and emotionally as I journey through the ups and downs and grow and evolve in motherhood, I also witness him stepping into a new era of his masculinity.
Being in a relationship for almost 9 years now, we have come to realise that as soon as a disconnection becomes paramount we have an opportunity to reconnect by discovering one another again. Exactly how we reconnect is something we are learning over and over again but here are my top 3 tips thus far.
Please know that no relationship is perfect and I am only speaking from my experiences. This may or may not resonate for you but I felt called to share it.
Tip one: Pretend you are dating again and I mean so far as trying to impress eachother, every single day. Think back to the time you first met before any hurt or circumstances that you have ever held on to. This may need to involve having a discussion to agree to let go of the past and forgive. Its easy to have created stories around your relationship and particular actions that you subconsciously look for to validate that story. (Your partner not taking out the bin does not actually mean they dont care about you! – however circumstances like these are an opportunity for you to become aware an area you get to heal in your realtionship and communicate with your loved one about this.
Tip Two: Look at your relationship with yourself! Our relationships tend to be a reflection of our own relationshipp with ourself. If your relationship has lost its spark, where have you lost the spark within yourself? If you are not feeling loved where are you not willing to give love in your life, is it yourself? Is it your partner. A key to bettering any relationship is loving on yourself, building your self worth and fining what fills your cup allows you to give love with more ease.
Tip Three: Create some conscious agreements. This is an opportunity to sit down with your partner and work through all areas of your life and come to agreements and compromises on what works best for both of you. This can be a sensitive process and both parties need to come to the table agreeing to not place any blame. This is a place to take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. Areas can include, intimacy, parenting, house work, technology usage and so much more – start with common triggers (dont forget no blame) – example: “When Im not supported around the house with the x, y or z, I experience feelings of x. I would like to request for you to do x, y and z. This would make me feel supported and ____.” The other person would then respond with how and if they can meet that request or if they have a suggestion to come to a compromise. Once these agreements are decided upon, it can bring a sense of teamwork to hold oneanother accountable to the conscious agreements made.
One more tip! This couldnt be missed so lets call it tip 3B: Find out yours and your partners love language. This will help you to understand how it is you can express love to your partner in a way that makes them truly feel loved! By identifying your own will help you to express how you best feel loved as well. I’d highly recomend taking this test together.
Take the test HERE.
All relationships take work as we grow and evolve. We are not the same person we were a year ago, let alone 5 minutes ago in some cases. These techniques can be used in all relationships in your life.
I would also like to thank my beautiful friends and mentors for their on going support and for continuosly allowing me the space and opportunity to to lean in to the unknown. Without their love and support this blog post wouldn’t even exist.