Nurturing The Nurturer
You know that feeling we get when we are being totally cared for, like when you have your hair washed at the hair dresser, when you get a message, or even when you receive a healing session or anything along those lines. Their is a new found sense of appreciation in being nurtured once you are a mother. We spend so much of our time nurturing others.
Being nurtured is a beautiful act of self care and filling our cup but how can we do it everyday? We can’t all get a message daily necessarily, but we are surrounded by loved ones and our children are actually beautiful little nurturers (look at any toddler with a baby doll).
My three top tips for allowing yourself to be nurtured more as a mother.
- Be open to receiving – move out of that masculine energy and embrace the feminine. (I wrote a blog about masculine and feminine energy in motherhood – check it out HERE) Let yourself be cared for, held, stroked and just all around loved by anyone willing to give it. If someone offers you a hug you welcome it with open arms, if you are offered anything be open to accepting it and feel the love! Often in the moments of feeling drained
- Involve your children on a daily basis. Invite your children to give you a hug, ask them to stroke your hair while you lie down for a moment. Allow your children to Nurture you and if they are not in the mood take that moment to nurture yourself anyway. – I recently experienced a beautiful workshop by Alecia Jade (a wonderful holistic health coach) and Gillian (founder of The Little yoga school) and during this workshop Gillian walked us through a couple of exercise where our children stroked our backs or played out a story that we told by drawing it on our back and another where we laid in the sun and our children stoked us, rubbed some beautiful oils on us and kissed our foreheads. You could see the absolute love and satisfaction our children experienced by looking after their Mummas. We had some relaxing music playing and all the children were whispering, it was such a beautiful experience.
- Differentiate between being touched as an act of recieving rather than only giving. We so often can get to the end of the day as mothers and feel completely touched out. The last thing we can think of doing is being intimate or hugging our partner especially after a day with a clingy child. I have found a great way of reframing this circumstance. I switch my mindset from giving to receiving. I take a few moments to re centre either by having a shower or just taking a few deep breathes on my own. I then approach my partner with a completely different context and I have noticed by coming to him with a different energy he is able to step in to his masculine energy hold me and nurture me. We have gotten to the point now that words don’t even have to be spoken and he just knows I could use a big giving hug. I remind myself to completely surrender and receive every ounce of love in that hug and I normally let out a big deep breathe.
And of course it all starts with finding ways to nurture yourself for yourself in your life as well. Committing to acts of self care that are a commitment to your worth and love for yourself. Ultimately this is the key to feeling more loved and nurtured in your life.
The best thing about this act is not only how we get to feel but also the feelings we get to witness from the people who get to nurture us by just simply letting go and allowing them to.
There is something that’s just so beautiful about experiencing acts of care and love from those that we give so much love to every single day. Give it a go!
Lots of Love
Micromanaging is very easy to fall into as a mother.
This is something I had to come to terms with when my baby started day care or started regularly visiting family or even being left with her dad. I felt the need to explain A to Z of what she likes and how she likes it and how to do everything for her (More than just the necessary hand over stuff). After all I had spent months getting to know my baby and finding the best way to meet her needs, that’s what a large chunk of my life became about. I just got her!! 💁🏻.
I came to the realisation that by me micromanaging the needs of my daughter, I took away the power of the person I was trusting her with. I took away the power of my baby learning to express what she needs and I took away the beautiful connection that could be formed between both her and the person looking after her, that they get to create together as they learn about one another.
It was hard to let go but I practiced each time and now I see the little routines she has with different people, the new things she has tried and the new ways she gets to communicate and love and be. I see the relationships that have blossomed with our loved ones and the relationship between her and her dad. I see him confidently leading her being an amazing father and it was me letting go that really showed the trust I had in him to be the best dad he can.
Sometimes you just have to trust everything will be ok because having to let go as a mother is sooo tough but you teach your little people independence and show them that you trust in them and that they can trust in themselves. – Of course it’s also vital that you know that the people you leave your children with have the child’s best interests and well being at hear.
But knowing that my baby will be ok if I couldn’t be around for some time just makes my heart at peace. I know that every moment away a little piece of us is missing as a mother but we do it for them and we do it for us, so we both get to grow and learn how to be in new ways because that’s what life is about.
So if you are feeling uneasy about letting go and putting your child into someone else’s hands, I get it! It’s extremely difficult. But I encourage you to remember that when it comes to our precious little ones we at times get to learn that a decision needs to be about them, we learn to put our fears aside for the long term growth and well-being of our little ones. And that’s the art of letting go and trusting in the good of the universe. Something I think will never be easy and will always be something to check in with for yourself.
It all comes down to the question “Is this decision being made from a place of love or fear?”
If you are looking for some support around learning to let go a little more in your life as a mum. Contact me and I’d be happy to help 🙏🏼💕
TESTING TIMES ✨
It’s easy to seem like you have everything together until your toddler loses it in public.
I find myself getting quickly overwhelmed and bending over backwards trying to reason with an almost 2 year old that is not interested in listening to anything I have to say in the moment.
People stare at us and a part of me cringes at what they ‘must’ be thinking.
Suddenly any judgement I had prior to becoming a mum and all the things I said I would surely never do seem to go out the window because I really never knew what it’s like to be in this situation.
S had that many tantrums last night through the airport, at check in, screaming and throwing herself around because she had to sit on my lap for take off. Tears started to well up in my eyes as I had to hold her down in my lap while the plane got ready to take off. By this point I was feeling defeated, alienated and alone. The flight attendant stopped as she went to sit down for take off and told me it would all be ok and not to stress…That one person who could see I was really struggling made all the difference. All I needed to hear was some words of encouragement.
Next time you see a mum with a tantrum throwing child let her know she’s going to be ok and not to worry.
In reflection I think the main stress comes from worrying what others think, I have to remind myself that their opinion really doesn’t matter to me and I need to provide the space for my daughter to let all that built up emotion out in a safe space both emotionally and physically. The calmer I can be the more loving and safe the space is, which will allow her to let it all out.
I’m grateful for the experience and the challenge it has brought me because I’m learning everyday more about myself and how I can be for my daughter. 💕
. photo: Apogee Photography (Jose Garcia)
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